Razor back

I was at the barber shop earlier today. He offered 'back-side clean karna? razor se...'

Thank god I've heard such ab-usage of the language before, so I understood what he really meant immediately - to remove some hair from the back of my neck. Otherwise... even the thought is painful! And nauseating.

Things you wanted to know about women but were afraid to raise your hand

In short gyan for those who wish to know how to act around women. If you on the other hand wish to 'understand' women, go away. Such a thing doesn't exist.
Not to be chauvinistic, I will in turn also tell the women what men want.

1. What to do when a woman goes "We need to talk". That means shut up and don't say a word. It's like being pulled over by a cop. You stay in, give short yes or no answers and do not plead guilty until you know the crime you are being accused of.

2. If your woman hasn't talked to you for an hour and you are in the same room. Do not ask "Honey, what's wrong?" The appropriate answer is, "Honey, I know I have done something wrong, knowingly or unknowingly, that I am not fully aware of and given a chance I would like to go upto my room and think about it."

3. In bed- "I am tired". Be quiet, pull your hands back, don't put them under your pants and go to bed. It just means tommorow you better do some dishes and cleaning, get flowers or junior is going to have a hard time again.

4. "I think we should see other people." She is already seeing someone else, and if she isn't riding him yet, the whip is already out of the barn.

5. "Do you think my butt looks big in this?" Do not look up from your sports magazine, avoid eye contact and just say "No, honey, you look fantastic".

6. If you are getting ready for a party and from the bathroom you hear the words "My hair looks terrible." Go to the living room, pick up the phone, call the hosts and tell them you won't be making it tonight.

7. "You forgot what day it is, didn't you." Walk up to her, take her hands in yours, look into her eyes and with all sincerety, "No baby, how could I forget this day." Take out that spare diamond ring, that every man should carry in his pockets for such emergencies and surprise her. And believe me she will be surprised since it's not everyday she gets a diamond ring on her 15th week anniversary.

Now for those eager women, who are always wondering, "I wish I knew what he is thinking." So ladies, this is the answer, Every man between the ages of 15 and 90 is thinking the same thing. "I would like a beer and something naked."

Why do people go to work?

Coffee. Yes my friend that is the answer. I believe the sole reason people go to work, is so they can guzzle down gallons of coffee in the line of work without any regret, just as a soldier might lay down his life in the line of duty.
Think about it. Ever drove to work without your coffee mug? Ever been to a meeting without coffee? Ever talked to a client without a cup of coffee in your hand, or without offering him one?
And dont even get me started on coffee breaks! I mean c'mon. Honestly, if you spent as much time working, you would be...well, working a lot.
The only reason I can stand those long hours at work is because there is always a coffee break lurking ahead. A chance to get up from my chair and walk the distance, a whole 5 yards to the coffee maker, maybe find someone doing the same, and so we stand for a bit chatting. *ahaa, drifting away to coffee land*
So the next time you are at work, frustrated, exasperated, irritated, remind yourself of the REAL reason you are there in the first place. Coffee.