Crush!

I'm back where i love being. I have a crush!

Dunno her name. Only words ever exchanged between us are 'Excuse me.. would u have another cigarette.. sure!'. But I've seen her many times. And i'm totally and completely smitten.

Firstly - and most importantly - She's hot. Amazingly hot. No matter what she wears, she looks stunning. Almost without trying.

But wait - guys are not just testosterone. I've thought about this. There are other things i like about her:
- She works on her own, leading her staff. That proves independence and enterprise. And thats admirable
- She smokes. And that's so cool. I know most of u would say 'so what the frug does that prove'. A lot, trust me. If there is one thing - other than love - that speaks a universal language and knows no barriers of caste, creed, ethinicity, language or religion - its smoking. And she speaks the language.
- She carries herself so well. With a nonchalant style and class, that only genuine sophistication and pedigree can produce.
- I think she's an architect. That indicates artistic ability, creativity and passion. And that, again, is so cool.
- She's Punjabi. Te Punjabian di shaan vakhri! Any non-punju who doesnt agree, go screw urself. I wont look up from my plate of tandoori chicken.

In all she's a complete package. But about as approachable as Siachen. I'll need a miracle for this to even start gettin anywhere. Pray for me, my fellow-bullers!

More abt my crushes - coming very, very soon!

Skirting the issue

I like skirts. Not wearing em. I like em on women. They are better than pants or jeans because they are so elegantly feminine. Salwars suits suck cos they are based on the assumption that the lower part is not noticed at all. Sarees suck the worst. They can be pretty, yes, but they 'over-ride' the person who's wearing them. I mean, a saree looks the same on anyone. The form and figure of the person wearing them becomes totally irrelevant. Which is why they are probably associated with old women (who'd rather their dress be noticed than their form) and not young girls.

A skirt, on the other hand, is so expressive.
One can express herself with the length she chooses:
-a mini or micro is a loud and clear statement - this is me, and I'm not afraid to flaunt it
-a short skirt - I'm modern and cool, but not seeking too much attention
-long - i'm not tellin u anything but u should probably stay at an arm's length away.

She can express herself with the fit
-tight - I mean business
-medium - I'm the easy-going, happy-go-lucky type
-loose - I'm shapeless. I ought not to wear a skirt at all, but i really want to, and i hope (pray!) it looks nice

She can express herself with the colors and designs
-bright, electric color or with flowers and shit - i'm cool. come n talk to me if u want to. i'll be nice
-plain, with frills etc - i'm nice to people i know, but strangers'd better think twice before approaching me. u have a chance tho, say something smart
-absolutely plain- i'd rather not be noticed today. something's wrong
-gaudy, loud - she doesn't really know what she's doing. stay away, u r better off this way

I believe skirts have been playing havoc on men's imagination since Marilyn Monroe. At a party I attended at a friend's place last weekend, a certain yellow mini drew a LOT of attention. It's the same at discs, hangouts, public transport, schools/colleges, offices - you name it. Well, at least I'm not complaining! Cheers...

Things you wanted to know about women but were afraid to raise your hand

In short gyan for those who wish to know how to act around women. If you on the other hand wish to 'understand' women, go away. Such a thing doesn't exist.
Not to be chauvinistic, I will in turn also tell the women what men want.

1. What to do when a woman goes "We need to talk". That means shut up and don't say a word. It's like being pulled over by a cop. You stay in, give short yes or no answers and do not plead guilty until you know the crime you are being accused of.

2. If your woman hasn't talked to you for an hour and you are in the same room. Do not ask "Honey, what's wrong?" The appropriate answer is, "Honey, I know I have done something wrong, knowingly or unknowingly, that I am not fully aware of and given a chance I would like to go upto my room and think about it."

3. In bed- "I am tired". Be quiet, pull your hands back, don't put them under your pants and go to bed. It just means tommorow you better do some dishes and cleaning, get flowers or junior is going to have a hard time again.

4. "I think we should see other people." She is already seeing someone else, and if she isn't riding him yet, the whip is already out of the barn.

5. "Do you think my butt looks big in this?" Do not look up from your sports magazine, avoid eye contact and just say "No, honey, you look fantastic".

6. If you are getting ready for a party and from the bathroom you hear the words "My hair looks terrible." Go to the living room, pick up the phone, call the hosts and tell them you won't be making it tonight.

7. "You forgot what day it is, didn't you." Walk up to her, take her hands in yours, look into her eyes and with all sincerety, "No baby, how could I forget this day." Take out that spare diamond ring, that every man should carry in his pockets for such emergencies and surprise her. And believe me she will be surprised since it's not everyday she gets a diamond ring on her 15th week anniversary.

Now for those eager women, who are always wondering, "I wish I knew what he is thinking." So ladies, this is the answer, Every man between the ages of 15 and 90 is thinking the same thing. "I would like a beer and something naked."

The challenges facing a sincere lecher...

Some woman argues here that women dress up not so much to impress men (whoa!) but to impress other women. What a total waste, and such a preposterous abuse of assets.

She also mentions that they take pains to ensure they dont repeat dresses. Good for them. I wish to the One above that they'd repeat what they look hot in, and avoid some of the disasters we have to unwillingly witness when they try 'different' dresses. But I really wish they'd take as much pain to ensure they dont repeat footwear.

Come on, footwear matters. You can't stare at short skirts without making the wearer (?!) uncomfortable and embarassing urself a bit. But no one really thinks u r really staring if ur gaze is pointed at feet. And feet tell u a lot, even if u dont have a fetish like I do. Why the frag are they so unimginative with shoes?

Sheesh! It's tough being a lecher these days. One is often forced to question his belief in the beauty of the female form.