Mathematical proof of futility of life

First published here.
Copyright and laziness issues prevent further publication. Visit original source.

Animals need to be caged

http://www.youtube.com/v/RKtegU6_AsQ

I hate animals that run wild in the urban jungle. They need to be fixed or put on a leash. Ive started my own "shout at the a$$hole who dusnt understand road manners" campaign.

Do comment freely!

For those who dint get it, the damn bikes are on the footpath

Of offices and TP

Not been sure of late about how good your work place is? Not sure if you should switch jobs to get to a better company? Not sure what is better? Look no further than the restrooms or as we would lovingly call it in the good ole days, the almighty bogs.
I have realised that the environment and attitude of a work place can be judged by the toilet paper (TP) it uses. The quality signifies a lot and it is not really a linear relationship. Take for example a place that uses those cheap wax paper kind TP. Now it can be two things. One, you are working for the government or two, you work in a big company. Bigger companies usually don't care a lot about their lower rung and are not bothered with providing the best environment. These companies are always looking at cost cutting measures, not because they cannot afford it but because they are plain cheap (and that is exactly why they are richer). Can't do with wax paper-too bad, find another job, you are expendable. The attitude translates directly into the TP that is used, and might even be there to remind you of this attitude even in your solitude. On the other hand if your bogs have nice, actually usable TP, you probably work in a place that cares about its work force a bit. The people here are happier and you can always find a conversation near the coffee machine. These places invariably have a smaller work force and are not too worried about spending a couple of extra bucks over a 16 pack TP, which is all they are going to need over the month. You can smile, because your job is safe and you actually like your work place because it is cosy and homie. Then there are those, which use the real good stuff. TP's which are made from paper more expensive than your wedding invitations, with carnations and prints that are more beautiful than the one on your 6 year olds t-shirt. If you have come across this at your office, you probably work in a very pretentious environment where people are always 'proper'. Things just DON'T go wrong here and nobody makes mistakes (or atleast doesn't admit to). This is the worst in my opinion since not only is your environment stifling, the veneer also gives way to duplicity.

Another Str8 rip for your comments

I had a lot of free time
So i wrote this fkin rhyme,
It shud be about a topic
But i din kno which one to pick.

So i went on rambling
Thoughts in my head scrambling,
For a structure called verse
Coz to ordinariness im averse.

Still a lot will see this coming
"He always does this fkin damn thing",
There's really no good reason why,
To blog in poetry i try.

I like to feel the juices flow
Gets me up high from my low,
A creative person, No im not
I am lucid in my thought.

Mine is not to reason and whine
The voices in my head pen this line,
I finally decide to end this pain
Cya wen I blog again.

Apologies

See, I wanted to write something. Something awesome. It had all ingredients that go into writing an awesome-st post. It had a statement, premises, axioms (is there any difference between premises and axioms?) and proof. More importantly it was the offspring of an extremely potent albeit ridiculous idea that came to me either during that fuzzy zone during nights when you are almost drifting but try to convince yourself that you are awake (i.e. when you can see yourself sleeping) OR when I was on the potty. Given my tendency to remain extremely focused when in the loo, I think it was the former though I wouldn't wager my life, nay less, 100 bucks on it if I had to since I just can't remember. Therein lies the downfall of this whole thing. I just don't remember.

(On a sidenote let it be on record that in a similar situation 'cept that I am certain it was right before I fell asleep, I had this terrific idea that would have either solved the world energy problem or kept the neighborhood dog out of our backyard. Again I didn't write it down though I really wanted to and forgot what it was. However the next morning I did remember that I HAD had an idea. So if anybody out there achieves the former-we solved the latter by getting a bigger, stronger, meaner mafioso dog-let it be known that someone somewhere-me-beat you to it).

Now as I said, I didn't remember anything. Not the statement, not the premise, nothing. Whilst I sat pondering over my grievous loss it dawned on me. It wasn't myself I owed anything to. My pain lies in the fact that good people like you are deviod of this, not life changing however exciting or atleast enticing, reading.
Hence, I figured I would apologise.

The zinnngg rinnngg thinnnggg

Remember Gold Spot? The zing thing?
Twas a brand owned by Parle and loved by many - associated with loads of fun and a young spirit. Then Coke came and killed the zing thing.

What a word, this 'zing'. t'as a nice ring to it.. zzzinnnnngggggg!!

What am i saying?i dunno. jus that the word zinnnnnnngggg has been rinnnnnnngggggin in my head for a bit, and i felt twas time to write somethinnnnnnnggggg. thinkin abt gold spot, and g-spots and ad-spots. I'm losin my mind. time to log out

PS: No im NOT drunk. im writin this in all my senses. and right now - it captures the state of my mind jus right!

PPS: If y'er readin Smoochy for the first time, and formin a first opinion, pl ignore this and read some of my other posts. every1 has a bad day, i jus happened to write this on one of mine

True Lies

Sorry for the rip str8 from mah blog, but i thot it was good so here goes ...

Is it ok to lie to someone to make them feel better? What if i know the person really well and the false impression i gave them is corrected by a stranger. would that be better.
What if i dont know the person, then they dont deserve lies or my pity.

There are no versions of the truth, just complete and incomplete parts of it. I hate lies because they serve no purpose other than to obscure the simplicity that is life. Pity and Guilt are emotions that cause lies and so i dont believe in either of them. Mercy neither. I am not God and I dont want to be God either. He has a burden on his hands and I like to live my life free. Free from slavery, free from lies.

There is a price to pay for every truth, just as a price must be paid for every lie.
My question to you is ... What are you buying?

True love, where art thou?

They say no man is worth a woman's tears and the only one who is, won't ever make her cry.
A play on- there is someone special for everyone. All of us believe in that. Some have found their true love and some are still in search. And then there are some who have just given up and wonder where their true love is?
This is to reassure them and their faith. There IS someone special for everyone. You got to believe in that. The reason you haven't found him/her yet, is probably because they got hit by a bus.

Of World Cup and Patriotism

"...I can't wait to cheer India in the world cup by shouting with other people (at a group showing in a nice bar) and showing my patriotism." (quoted from an online news article)
Ah. Those days are back. The days we can truly feel patriotic. It comes once in four years. And what's more. We can actually show it! I feel ya my brother. I wish I could share it with you over a pint of beer and shouting myself hoarse.
No, truly. I do want to feel that love for my country, I thought lost. To get goosebumps everytime our batsmen hit a four or our bowlers rearranged some woodwork. To sing the national song (which now I believe is the new Nike song? I am sorry, they keep changing but I promise I will remember it this time).
At the end of it all there will be glory (or not). But we would have been touched by the galant efforts of our heroes, our players. Their do-or-die attitude shall not be forgotten. When we have regained our voices, we shall remember them for hours to come (till we pass out). And wake up the next day feeling the wholeness that comes out of knowing we did for the country the last night. We were patriots.

This is hilarious

(I got this as a forward and even though this blog is not meant for jotting down forwards I could not resist. I don't know who wrote this but whoever you are, damn you are good! Am still laughing my ass off shooting beer out of my nose. )

HER DIARY

Today, I thought he was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a cafe to have some coffee. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment.Conversatio n wasn't flowing so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk, he agreed but he kept quiet and absent.I asked him what was wrong - he said, "Nothing."I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said it had nothing to do with me and not to worry.
On the way home I told him that I loved him, he simply smiled and kept driving. I can't explain his behavior; I don't know why he didn't say, "I love u,too" When we got home I felt as if I had lost him, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there and watched TV.; he seemed distant and absent.Finally I decided to go to bed. About 10
minutes later he came to bed. I decided that I could not take it anymore, so I decided to confront him with the situation but he had fallen asleep.I started crying and cried until I too fell asleep. I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.

HIS DIARY

GERMANY LOST ?????
DAMN IT.....

Of scientific bull...

(I just came back from work and am in fuck all state of mind. So if this post doesn't make sense, well, it's not intended to.)
This post is inspired by advances being made in the field of AI. Everyone has seen movies in that genre and the one common thread through each is that bots are smart but emotionless bastards running on algorithms and respective responses. So why can't we simulate emotions? (Note that I am no expert on the subject and all discussions are qualitative and may have been (dis)proved long back). Since most artificial systems we know of at this age are based on electric(al)(onics) components, it becomes difficult to simulate emotions. What if one was to include chemical responses in a bot. Have a system that based on a statistical algorithm would determine the particular chemistry and generate neurological responses based on that. Aha! if you are smart at this point you ask, why even carry out the chemical process. Just simulate it and reach a decision. Of course in that case one would have to be absolutely certain of the reaction to a very high degree of precision because even a small change may alter the results. So having done all this over-my-head-driving-one-crazy-i-hate-research-damn-this-sucks crap one might just might be able to have bots in the future who would infact be human!!

Fallacies: Well, for one the crap I said about the chemical processes and precision. Even if it was not simulated but real how would you know of its accuracy. And for that matter no two human beings would probably respond in the same manner. More importantly if you have read so far, you have actually read the mindless blabberous rambling of a man who has nothing to do with a) chemistry b) biology c) electrical sciences and/or any combination of those plus a lot more. Which brings me to the biggest fallacy in the model. YOU CANNOT SIMULATE STUPID!

(*guffaw followed by boisterous laughter*)

Reason why I have not been bull shitting...

Its been quite a while since my last post, so lots of bull to shit. 
Will just get on with it. 
What happens when your boss wants to be No 1 - 
1. No 1 in finishing whatever is assigned to him
2. No 1 in finishing whatever is assigned not to him but someone else - most probably someone he is competing with for his boss's attention
3. No 1 in finishing whatever is not assigned to anyone, but some piece of bull work floating around.
4. No 1 in finishing whatever work not even bloody exists

Answers are pretty simple -
1. You end up hating your boss and feel like building a tunnel to nowhere whenever you see him walking to your desk.
2. Since the tunnel thing is anyways.. bull... you end up working looooong hours
3. After working loooong hours... you end up consoling yourself that ... dont mind.. its for your own good. After all.. you are learning something.
4. Since the last line is such a piece of crap, you feel pretty disgusted by the time you reach home.
5. Since you are pretty disgusted by the time you are back, you end up lifting your spirits by disgusting someone else (last nite... I chatted with 2 ppl... in one of them, i just copied pasted whatever that person wrote to me for 15 straight mins. How irritating is that... and how patient the other person is. Second chat is too disgusting to even blog about. Public apology to the "chattee" from the "chatter". Wont happen again - atleast not with you :)
6. Apparently, disgusting others does not really do the trick - so you end up venting your $^%$%$ through hyperbull

I just hope it all works.... Bye

Interlude

'So when exactly do you think you feel in love with me?'
{...pause...}
'To be honest, I'm still not head over heels or somethin... (followed by whole lot of explanatory bullshit - which is truly worthy of this blog)'
{Ouch}

Why I don't like Ice cream

Well for starters it is cold. I know. duh! right? What can I say. I actually don't like it 'cos its cold. I can handle fried ice cream, which strengthens my opinion (btw I had to go back and correct 'strengthens' 8 times before I got it right. Maybe cos I have one too many margarithas in me :p. its all good). Again, it interferes with the entropy of this universe. Isn't there enough disorder in this world that you got to go ahead and increase it?
(And for the scientifically challenged let me go ahead and explain it. Everytime you carry out transformation of energies or carry out a forced change in one it leads to increased disorderness named entropy.)
And thats the thing. Ain't there enough cold things around to scare the bejesus out of you? Cold people. Chilly situations (like you look under the sheets while you are sleeping to find two legs and nothing else just hanging in midair *shudder*. i hate ghosts). Cold bleak weather (yech again..). And the worst offender of them all- cold soup!! Who for the love of mankind came up with that. It's like the worst concept ever. But lets not digress. We weren't talking about soup but ice cream.
So where was I? Oh ya - I dont like ice cream. And for that matter who cares why I hate it. And who gives a damn about if I give a damn if anyone cares about it. Bottom line I dont like it , I shall not like it and nothing anyone does shall change my mind. (ok fine I am just tired and need to go to bed and this is an easy way to end it. And if you think this was all crap and not worth penning down- oh well you are right :p)

Long Time ... No Post

Love this city for the excitement it offers me ... till 11 pm , aww what the heck i can get into a rickshaw and bargain to goto a place if i need a thrill.

Love it for the entrepreneurial spirit it has, and then goes violent on itself in protest of a foreign power violating some other violent power. It dusnt care about its own infrastructural - water electricity power needs however.


Love the work life balance - completely tipping in favor of work (or the complete lack thereof)

Love Richmond Road area :) No really i do love this area. Everything is close and I can walk and reach faster than most people anywhere (only flights are a hit and miss affair)

Love the Bloggers - Each with his own moronic partisan point of view (me included)

But hey !!! Thats life ... Take it or ... Itll kick you in the butt.

I like Bangalore.....

I was given a final notice that unless I began posting something on this forum, I will be given a royal kick - out from the group.....And as thing remain in India...money and intimidation works :) 

Bangalore trafffic might have caused a situation where the garden city tag might seem like a folklore..........But I still like the city.........the city is resposnible for creating 'A SALARIED MAN CAN BE RICH' culture in India. 

A city, which gave goose bumps to employees in countries all over the world - the though that he might be Bangalored. No Other city in the world has this distinction. 

And the bad traffic has fortunately not been able to deteriorate the good weather. 
It still has the best climate amongst the big six cities in India.

As a personal level, While I do love Mumbai,
I would still stay that I like Bangalore.  

Mo' B'lore Blues

1. ASP's last post was about the traffic in the city. Also came across some blog today, which cynically refers to Bangalore as Traffic City. For the uninitiated, Blore was hitherto known as the Garden City. As denigrating the new label may be, gotta say it reflects the current state of affairs quite accurately!

2. My pet crib is about the nightlife in Blore. Rather, the lack of it! For a city where lotsa people work till obscenely late hours, deadlines of 1030 pm for serving alcohol, and 1130 for nightclubs, are absolutely irrational! Can u even call them nightclubs if they close that early?? Even those of us who work by day, dont manage to finish work, get ready and hit the road before 9 pm. Which leaves us feeling cheated, and oh-I've-so-not-had-enough-fun-yet-ish. Of course, there has been talk of extending the deadline, widening the roads, and getting me married. None of those is happening anytime soon!

3. Communal disharmony and mob fury have raised their ugly heads in our beloved city now. All said and done abt the traffic, deadlines and all that jazz - we love this city because its so nice and peaceful. Its like a metropolitan hill-station. But this is seriously disappointing bullshit. Our city was one of the few not affected by all this crap ever in the past. If it didn't have more than it's fair share of problems already, this shit happens. I wonder why, why the hell do people waste their time fighting over religion?! I mean, dont we have real problems that actually affect our lives? Wouldn't all this passion and energy be much better utilized, if directed toward building the nation, instead of fragmenting it? I guess our politicians prefer it this way. And there's too much frustration pent up inside the general public. I have some hypothesis about the reasons for that, but will save it for another post later.

For now, my heart is sad. Saddened by ugly things happening in my home :(

PS: More posts somewhat-related to the last subject: here and here. You should also listen to Rabbi Shergill's Jugni. Original lyrics here. Translation here

Blore Blues

Great weather (hillstation like)
Super ppl (I mean cmon!!!)
Excellant eateries (yum)
Oooooooooooooo the horrrorrrrr!!!!

Im sure you all know the worst part of Blore is ... :( Traffic

Living on Richmond Road workin on Richmond Road makes life for me considerably easier than it would have been if i was living elsewhere. The reality for most other people is hell (and for me when i travel to their fkall residence areas!!!). Sad that a city that is growing so quickly is restricted by a weak and sloppy road infrastructure. Buses are a sad option and so are cars.
Bikes seem like a death trap with the number of accident i witness (yes atleast 2 a week fall off their bikes without helmets) and no one has bit the bullet ... yet.

Instead of farting to the rest of the world about how great this place is, there should be more efforts taken to reduce the hurting on Blore city.

Stupid ideas float into my puny mind like: Toll ins and outs of the city, keep lower taxes and better breaks for setups outside the city, BUILD MORE INFRA for the city, STOP THE BLOODY ONE WAYS!!!

Maybe I am just cribbing, May be I am just demanding that a city that contributes more should receive more, unless India wants Bangalore to be a cash cow like Bombay and achieve the same shithole status.

Crush!

I'm back where i love being. I have a crush!

Dunno her name. Only words ever exchanged between us are 'Excuse me.. would u have another cigarette.. sure!'. But I've seen her many times. And i'm totally and completely smitten.

Firstly - and most importantly - She's hot. Amazingly hot. No matter what she wears, she looks stunning. Almost without trying.

But wait - guys are not just testosterone. I've thought about this. There are other things i like about her:
- She works on her own, leading her staff. That proves independence and enterprise. And thats admirable
- She smokes. And that's so cool. I know most of u would say 'so what the frug does that prove'. A lot, trust me. If there is one thing - other than love - that speaks a universal language and knows no barriers of caste, creed, ethinicity, language or religion - its smoking. And she speaks the language.
- She carries herself so well. With a nonchalant style and class, that only genuine sophistication and pedigree can produce.
- I think she's an architect. That indicates artistic ability, creativity and passion. And that, again, is so cool.
- She's Punjabi. Te Punjabian di shaan vakhri! Any non-punju who doesnt agree, go screw urself. I wont look up from my plate of tandoori chicken.

In all she's a complete package. But about as approachable as Siachen. I'll need a miracle for this to even start gettin anywhere. Pray for me, my fellow-bullers!

More abt my crushes - coming very, very soon!

Oh my...

Reprimanded, I realise I have been writing a lot about the fairer sex and scandalous behaviour. Abashed and ,more importantly, corrected, I stand (actually sitting pretty comfortably on my couch) here promising to not bring up scandalous subjects on the bull page. I have been told the masses are not ready for me/it yet *taadaaphiiiiiishhh*. And being accurately aware of my diminishing status as an eligible bachelor, infact treading ever so slowly into gray character, I need to make amends. From now on I shall dwell into more rosier subjects and as time passes by a glossy veneer shall accumulate over the grim realities, cleansing my unfortunate being and hopefully making me more acceptable and desirable *colgate smile*.
As a starter, bereft of ideas, I ask the folks what they would like to hear about?

Love sucks

(No not like that you perv. I am sure she does and I am sure it's good, but we are NOT going to talk about that. However feel free to message me in private and leave all the details if it makes you happy.)
LOVE is like any other adventure that the male species likes to partake in. Like going hiking and finding a dark underground cave. He knows he should probably not venture inside, and he knows if he does he is mostly gonna get screwed, but he still goes in. It's in his blood/genes. 'Curiosity killed the cat'. I am sure this adage was not meant for cats at all, instead for men.
The amazing thing is the repetitiveness of this event even though the iminent dangers have been faced by many and a few have actually come out, not unscathed, but with life enough to warn the rest of the species about the darkness inside.
This behaviour proves the genetic imbibing of masochistic tendencies in the male species. To an objective spectator the whole scenario would look like this-
"I am single and happy, but do not wish to remain so."
"I have money but I feel the urge to go broke."
"I wish to have no free time for myself, and even when I am home alone and wish to kick back with a cold one, I want to be hounded by phone conversations which amount to tell-me-how-pretty-I-am."
"I wish to be enslaved into getting drinks, gifts, flowers and be left with the tiniest amount of self respect."
"I wish to be teased and tested and still end up not getting any, while I could be single and hit upon dozens of girls till I score everynight."
And even though all of us know this, we still do it. And that just totally, completely SUCKS.

Behind every successful man, there is Isabgol

I was going to talk about my ex-girlfriends and what sweet angels they were! But since it isn't worth it really, let me talk about something else.

Like how some people are successful in life and some are not. Yeah, I agree, actually, even this is not worth it but hey! WhoTF is going to stop me! So here goes ... :)

Successful people have one thing in common - They know how to sugar coat their bull$hit. And yessir, that's it. Simple and straight. And trust me, 5 thousand years of existence has resulted in lot of it (Simple math can prove that, I swear...) Sugar coat it and people will eat it, regurgitate and pass it on like it is His bread from the Last Supper (no offense meant to anyone, and no one in particular).

And unsuccessful people too have one thing in common - They all look constipated, since centuries!!

Skirting the issue

I like skirts. Not wearing em. I like em on women. They are better than pants or jeans because they are so elegantly feminine. Salwars suits suck cos they are based on the assumption that the lower part is not noticed at all. Sarees suck the worst. They can be pretty, yes, but they 'over-ride' the person who's wearing them. I mean, a saree looks the same on anyone. The form and figure of the person wearing them becomes totally irrelevant. Which is why they are probably associated with old women (who'd rather their dress be noticed than their form) and not young girls.

A skirt, on the other hand, is so expressive.
One can express herself with the length she chooses:
-a mini or micro is a loud and clear statement - this is me, and I'm not afraid to flaunt it
-a short skirt - I'm modern and cool, but not seeking too much attention
-long - i'm not tellin u anything but u should probably stay at an arm's length away.

She can express herself with the fit
-tight - I mean business
-medium - I'm the easy-going, happy-go-lucky type
-loose - I'm shapeless. I ought not to wear a skirt at all, but i really want to, and i hope (pray!) it looks nice

She can express herself with the colors and designs
-bright, electric color or with flowers and shit - i'm cool. come n talk to me if u want to. i'll be nice
-plain, with frills etc - i'm nice to people i know, but strangers'd better think twice before approaching me. u have a chance tho, say something smart
-absolutely plain- i'd rather not be noticed today. something's wrong
-gaudy, loud - she doesn't really know what she's doing. stay away, u r better off this way

I believe skirts have been playing havoc on men's imagination since Marilyn Monroe. At a party I attended at a friend's place last weekend, a certain yellow mini drew a LOT of attention. It's the same at discs, hangouts, public transport, schools/colleges, offices - you name it. Well, at least I'm not complaining! Cheers...

Of Sex, Lies and Bull

(Disclaimer: This post is intended to prove to the world and myself that I can be serious and thoughtful. Any part of this post considered funny is purely coincidental .)

Pre-marital sex. That is the focus here. There are two categories. One- oo you look pretty in your short pink skirt-let's go back to my place-wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am. Second-in a serious relation, being intimate with someone.
I have nothing against one night stands, though it is only meant to release built up sexual energy. But that's not we are talking about. I am talking about the taboo, in a relation sex. Before getting into that, one has to get into the dynamics of live in relationships.
I, for one, do not understand the whole concept of spending the rest of your life with someone you haven't lived with before (and this goes not only for arranged marriages but also for 'love' marriages). Think about it. First week of your marriage and you find out that you get irritated by his/her bathroom habits-the way he/she leaves the tooth brush on the sink, leaves the toilet seat down etc. They seem like small things but it doesn't take long to build and frustrate you. So I think it is imperative that you live with that person and find out how compatible you are.
Now if we are agreed on that (and I know we aren't if you have the o-face right now with a palm in front of your mouth, but news flash-I don't care), I come to the second part-sex. On the lines of testing compatibility, one of the most important things in a relation is sex. Even if it doesn't show in the Indian society (and only because it finds a nice dark corner in the closet and hides itself), a lot of relations go sour because one of the partners is not satisfied. Marrying someone you haven't slept with just adds to that problem. Imagine finding out on your first night that he/she is gay (does happen), doesn't enjoy sex (oh believe you me), is a perv who will settle for nothing less than tying you up (lol..freaked you out didn't I). And at a time like this wouldn't you wish you had tried it out before?
The truth is, love can bring you together but it is not the only thing that keeps you together. There are a score of other things that a couple has to figure out. So why is it taboo to explore these aspects but not taboo to not do so and end up with a life of regret?

Pressure....

 I have been under tremendous pressure. Have not got a wink of shut eye since....and
when my body finally gave way...Have  woken up in the middle of the night, sweating like a pig. Then wandered around the house 
like a zombie, watching mindless TV shit, working the remote like am playing 3D Mortal Combat on PS10. Gone to office absolutely drained of energy. Dozing off in the 
meetings, extending deadlines till they are finally dead, shirking work to the extent that 
I have been nominated as the honorary president, CEO, et al of the LBS (read Lazy Bummers Society) in the company I work for (mind you, 
there are 50,000 more ppl in the same company). 

This morning I woke up with the cliched sun rise and decided to put an end to all this.
To undo the Bull going around in my life. Bottom line - to think why the hell is this happening.

And Eureka, I have found it. The reason for all above is that I dont want to be the last one making debut on the Hyperbull Blog. And here I am.  I have done it. I am not the last one. Yahooooooooooooo..... Yippeeee..... As eM would have said....Tra la la.....

Before you break the comps you are are reading this on - last two lines.

On this momentous occassion, I would like to thank Smoochy for creating this blog where
we can vent out the bull which no one listens to. Most of all, I would like to thank the Bull shitters I have met in the last 6-7 yrs who have inspired me to go on record wih B, because hello.... Bull sells. (before that, couldnt really differentiate between B and Non B).

Now that am off the mark (with a home run - I would like to believe), will be back with more meaningful B soon. Till then, keep (d)Reading :)

Of Cows and Bull...

Provoked by this. Appalled by this. Thoughts ignited earlier by some of these

We worship cows in this country. People frown if you say you eat beef. Some of those people also drink cow piss and believe it's good for health. After all, it comes from a cow. Then we have societies for prevention of cruelty to animals. We have PETA, Maneka Gandhi and suchlike.

My indignation is provoked by these people's apathy to the conditions of people, and sympathy to other animals. I mean, first of all, I believe in the Darwinian theory, the law of the jungle, free market capitalism, Ayn Rand's Objectivism and all that jazz. Everyone for himself. I'm responsible for my happiness. Not for anyone else's. Nor is anyone else responsible for me. Thats perfectly fair.

However, we are social, emotional animals. So I feel some sympathy for the Somalians dying hungry, for children orphaned or abandoned at birth. I don't mind contributing some to their cause, but only after I put my own house in order, and have an excess of joy to share.

This whole 'animal love' shit completely baffles me. Humans are a superior species to the others. I'm sure our ancestors put a lot of effort into establishing themselves as the supreme race, though they weren't as strong or fast as some of the other animals. People should cherish that, and live happily ever after. But no, they'd rather drink cow piss. And protect cows. And turn vegetarian. And prevent frustrated souls like me from killing the darn dogs that don't let me sleep at night with their howling. Why? Oh, Why?

By the way meat tastes good. The animal is gonna be killed anyway. That's the purpose of it's existence. Why bother making it painless, ignoring practical considerations?

And I beg vegetarianism-promoters to explain - we've all learnt that plants are as much 'living' as animals. So what makes killing plants more acceptable than killing animals? Just because the animal can howl, and draw the attention of your hypocritical conscience? Why the double standards? Where is the logic?

Things you wanted to know about women but were afraid to raise your hand

In short gyan for those who wish to know how to act around women. If you on the other hand wish to 'understand' women, go away. Such a thing doesn't exist.
Not to be chauvinistic, I will in turn also tell the women what men want.

1. What to do when a woman goes "We need to talk". That means shut up and don't say a word. It's like being pulled over by a cop. You stay in, give short yes or no answers and do not plead guilty until you know the crime you are being accused of.

2. If your woman hasn't talked to you for an hour and you are in the same room. Do not ask "Honey, what's wrong?" The appropriate answer is, "Honey, I know I have done something wrong, knowingly or unknowingly, that I am not fully aware of and given a chance I would like to go upto my room and think about it."

3. In bed- "I am tired". Be quiet, pull your hands back, don't put them under your pants and go to bed. It just means tommorow you better do some dishes and cleaning, get flowers or junior is going to have a hard time again.

4. "I think we should see other people." She is already seeing someone else, and if she isn't riding him yet, the whip is already out of the barn.

5. "Do you think my butt looks big in this?" Do not look up from your sports magazine, avoid eye contact and just say "No, honey, you look fantastic".

6. If you are getting ready for a party and from the bathroom you hear the words "My hair looks terrible." Go to the living room, pick up the phone, call the hosts and tell them you won't be making it tonight.

7. "You forgot what day it is, didn't you." Walk up to her, take her hands in yours, look into her eyes and with all sincerety, "No baby, how could I forget this day." Take out that spare diamond ring, that every man should carry in his pockets for such emergencies and surprise her. And believe me she will be surprised since it's not everyday she gets a diamond ring on her 15th week anniversary.

Now for those eager women, who are always wondering, "I wish I knew what he is thinking." So ladies, this is the answer, Every man between the ages of 15 and 90 is thinking the same thing. "I would like a beer and something naked."

Why do people go to work?

Coffee. Yes my friend that is the answer. I believe the sole reason people go to work, is so they can guzzle down gallons of coffee in the line of work without any regret, just as a soldier might lay down his life in the line of duty.
Think about it. Ever drove to work without your coffee mug? Ever been to a meeting without coffee? Ever talked to a client without a cup of coffee in your hand, or without offering him one?
And dont even get me started on coffee breaks! I mean c'mon. Honestly, if you spent as much time working, you would be...well, working a lot.
The only reason I can stand those long hours at work is because there is always a coffee break lurking ahead. A chance to get up from my chair and walk the distance, a whole 5 yards to the coffee maker, maybe find someone doing the same, and so we stand for a bit chatting. *ahaa, drifting away to coffee land*
So the next time you are at work, frustrated, exasperated, irritated, remind yourself of the REAL reason you are there in the first place. Coffee.

The challenges facing a sincere lecher...

Some woman argues here that women dress up not so much to impress men (whoa!) but to impress other women. What a total waste, and such a preposterous abuse of assets.

She also mentions that they take pains to ensure they dont repeat dresses. Good for them. I wish to the One above that they'd repeat what they look hot in, and avoid some of the disasters we have to unwillingly witness when they try 'different' dresses. But I really wish they'd take as much pain to ensure they dont repeat footwear.

Come on, footwear matters. You can't stare at short skirts without making the wearer (?!) uncomfortable and embarassing urself a bit. But no one really thinks u r really staring if ur gaze is pointed at feet. And feet tell u a lot, even if u dont have a fetish like I do. Why the frag are they so unimginative with shoes?

Sheesh! It's tough being a lecher these days. One is often forced to question his belief in the beauty of the female form.

Rabid Rambler

Today I feel like rambling.
Today i feel like thinking
Today I feel like breaking
Today I feel like blogging

Long Live the free speech movement.